yea, so...
we got moved from the farmhouse where bats flew down from the attic and rats inhabited the ancient player piano and mice were legion and the vacuum cleaner daily ate its way through lazy armies of lady bugs and flies of Amityville horror house proportions.
And we let out a breath we didn't know we were holding, and settled into our little house by a road between a place called there and a place called elsewhere. We sat on the front porch and listened to cars shush by in the rain. We ate our lunch of baked potatoes and homebaked bread in our little kitchen at a 50's era table (with four matching chairs) left behind by previous tenants, and we began to recover.
Moving out of the farmhouse was a long process as we had no help and little money. We were so slow, old neighbors there decided to help us by helping themselves to everything they wanted in between our truckloads from there to here. I am still missing things that came suddenly missing. My sewing machine, a dutch oven, the canner, some jewelry... and little things that hurt worse.
But we're here in one piece now. I trust people less. Care less. Try less. But already I see that changing, as I don't. It's my way, isn't it? To do what I can for other people. That's who I am. So, I do.
We've got a ritual to go to this weekend for Summer Solstice. Old friends from this area will circle round and honor the Gods and Goddesses and Ancestors and Otherkin. We celebrate renewed friendships here with folks we met just as we were leaving the last time. Sometimes it is necessary to go back where you've been to pick up a thread you dropped.
1 comment:
I can understand how you feel. I recently had to move away from my home, that I've known almost all my life, for the first time. I lived there since I was 7 years old and grew up there until I was 22. My whole life was that home, but because of court things and my dad not being able to work, we lost our home to the bank. In a way, like you, it hurt. It made me not wish to trust others because us trusting someone lead us down that path.
I remember the first day. I remember how alone I felt since my husband and roommate (my husband's brother) left to work for hours. I sat there for a long time and just stare at everything, but I started to unload the boxes of my old life and start a new one. I set up my alters and the alter of my husband (at the time he was my boyfriend). I felt better when I first allowed the gods before me and move the other belongings afterwards.
I hope everything is going well with your home and offer a small comfort to you; you can trust again when you feel you are ready.
Post a Comment