build a fire

I'm at a wavery kind of place right now. It's cool, though. We're in Pisces moon cycle, so that's kind of logical.

I don't know what to concentrate on. I know I need to focus. If it was garden time, I would do that. Then it'd be settled. It's not garden time, so that can't be it. I'm basically looking for "IT". I can keep busy all by myself, but I don't want to concentrate on busy work. I don't want to knit right now. Weave, I think, is part of "IT". Anyway, spinning or weaving, I feel focused.

I'm working with numerology and that's a love/hate relationship. I like to see the numbers all curling into their places and to see the story unfold. Once it's unfolded, I don't care if i tell the recipient or not. If I tell them, they don't get it. If I hint at it and let them find it, they might. I don't know. The setting is all wrong. It's a thing where we need to sit down across from each other and we need to talk.

Astrology is a different thing altogether. Tarot and Runes are love notes. I love working with them. Which gets me in trouble, cause I'll read at the drop of a hat. But they are so accurate, so patiently willing to spill the beans, again and again, even to the ones who are abso-fukn-lutely not going to give one iota of attention to what is being said. Next time the same person comes for a reading, the card/runes benevolently give them the answers, plus show them how they screwed up by not paying attention last time. But without judgement. Which is more than I can do. (Don't give me that look -- I AM learning that the reading figures in, whether or not they are listening).

I read the cards a bit ago -- asked, "What am I doing? What's the path?" Cause I really don't know. What am I to give my time to? Where am I going?

My card showed up in fire. Identity. I'm a bit old to be having this identity crisis. But there it is.

I had this dream in November. One of THOSE dreams. I was hanging out with the kids and Mark and it was Summer and we were in the shade of a tree and there was a breeze and it was all in lovely color. A lazy, sweet Summer afternoon. And I looked over at the house (no where I recognized) and people were going in and out. And that was wrong. The door was open and they were just running in our house. So I went to close the door and found that they thought my house was a store --were going all through my stuff. One "Avon" type of woman had my rune bowl which was full of my jewelry. "How much?" she asked me. And everyone else was picking up things -- some of these things I actually have -- others were beautiful witchy-type of things I wouldn't mind having.

The idea of store was in the back of my mind for a long time, so I just told these people, "We're not open for business yet". "Avon" wasn't taking no for an answer. I had to take my things out of her hand and put them down and usher her and the others out.

I ushered them out the back door, rather the one I'd entered. And that back door opened into an empty room. It was not brightly lit and it was dismal. I was surprised this room was there. And in the room was a blind girl in a wheelchair. "You can stay as long as you want," I told her. "But don't let these people in."

"What people?" she said. And there were the people leaving, nameless, formless people walking right past her. She didn't sense them or hear them.

I didn't leave by that back door, but went back the way I'd come, leaving the back door open for the blind girl. But when I got back to the tree everyone was gone. I was mournful. The moment was gone. It was lovely. It was 1993. But is was gone.

When I woke and thought about the dream, I thought I needed to go back into the dream and wake up the blind girl. Heal her and tell her to get out of the wheelchair and open her eyes. Cause she was part of me in a hidden room. But then I couldn't find my way back to the dream. I couldn't get back to sleep. I was awake for hours and never got back into the dream.

I know I can do vision work and solve the dream problem that way. But November went and December went and January went and I don't know if the whole thing is viable now. I'm seeing people now. Suddenly just noticed -- Well looky there, the tribe I've been looking for.

'cept -- IS it? It's definitely friends and whatnot. But is it Tribe? Why is it my Tribe doesn't work magic? I know witchy folks on-line and a few in realtime, but where is my coven? my Hearth? Where are the close friends I trust enough to work magic with?

So... ok, my card is in the area of fire -- and on one side is 5 of air and on the other is 3 of fire -- and the area of fire is topped with Ace of air. I haven't spread the cards yet to follow the unfolding story.

I know I don't know (ace of air) and there has been conflict or defeat (5 of air) and I am called on to look to my true course for the future (which -- is what I'm trying to discover, dig?)

It's going to take a rite and prayer to discover. I know this. I have several questions.

Here?
Who?
What?
When?
How?
If not here, where?

Honey's card is found in Earth. I'll read that one, too. See how it unfolds in practical matters.

And... I suppose... I'll attend to some busy work while I wait.