On the eve of Small Stones (Writing My Way Home)

Tomorrow, Small Stones officially begins. I feel I've been writing these all my life -- trying to say something and not say it too loudly.

I was the youngest of nine kids. With a house full and everyone busy, if you had something to say, you said it quickly and as quietly as possible. I talk fast.

"Slow down."

"Speak up."

That's what I'm told. Which is so much better than being told shhh. Shhh is, of course, often implied in our culture; it's in the air when what you're saying doesn't match the general consensus. I didn't say anything for so many years and then when I finally found my voice, I hit the ground running. I have not shut-up since -- I don't intend to. I try to temper what I have to say with how I know it will be heard. A lot loses itself in the airwaves. A lot gets bent.

Disclaimer: I don't say it to be mean.
                  I don't say it to change your mind.
                  I don't say it to be heard/read.

I say it because if I don't, I'll get silent again.



One year, when I was older than I should have been, I stepped up to the front of a classroom. Speech class. Glenville Extention. Summersville. I looked at my notes. Looked at the roomfull of people 20 years younger than me. And went back to my desk.

People. Say what you want about Silver Ravenwolf but I absolutely love the woman. In 1999 in one of her books with the silly titles, I found a remedy. Mind movies. Do it in your mind and you can do it in the world. As I mopped floors, worked in the garden. Shoveled snow (notice the time lapse), I saw myself in a cafe reciting a poem. The poem I used was one of my own and so I memorized it as I spoke it in the visualization.

Flash forward. In late summer of 2000, we moved to Asheville, NC. We unpacked the U-Haul into a storage building and left the motel to go downtown to look at our adopted town. Passed by Maloprops. They were having open mic.

Without a thought, I walked in, signed my name, sat down. When my turn came, I spoke my poem and two others besides. I was excellent. No brag. Just fact. People stopped what they were doing and peeked around the corner at me.

Sometimes, at open mics, I crash. But that's ok, too. It's ego -- that thing where you don't want to get up and do what you know to do. You're afraid you'll fail and so you'd rather protect your ego and not do anything. Then you can say you would have been great.

It's not ego to walk into the spotlight and have your say. It's what you are here for. Speak it. Write it. Do it.

All this wordy post is just to say -- there are many small stones along the way. Sometimes, you find one and slip it in your pocket for a talisman. Sometimes you skip one across the water. Sometimes, you use one as a stepping stone. Sometimes, you slip off and get your feet wet. And it's all ok.

So, for January, I'll be posting small stones. Some will be good. Some will suck. It does not matter. I'll be part of the river.

Join me?