Post from 6/22/12

I'm in a love/hate relationship with this house. It's got a huge country kitchen and plenty of yard, a firering we didn't build and a large space for a garden or three. It's got potential for homestead animals, milk goat, fiber rabbits and all that we've been wanting.

But half the time, I'm thinking "I've got to get home."

I feel like I'm in somebody else's house. I'm placing my things here and there, wherever they seem to fit, but it feels like I'm visiting, arranging my personal items on borrowed space until it's time to check out and move on to the next place.

I expect I will get over this.

Yesterday, working with my husband, Mark, my nephew, Jack and his daughter, Sissy, I felt at home for the first time. I cooked them a good breakfast and we went out for a bit of yardwork before they were to help us haul the bigger things from the other house. We worked a good long time on the yard, though. It was soon lunch time and I fixed a great lunch and we sat around the table and talked. Sissy thought the kitchen looked like the Waltons.

Back out again to finish a few things they'd seen that needed done (we didn't ask -- they just knew what was needed). Soon it was 4 o'clock and we had not hauled anything. I was ready to call it a day, but Jack just laughed. They got in their truck and we got in ours and loaded out a large load of things from the previous house.

This morning, first thing, I rode my bike up this lane in back of the house to and through the woods to the hillside. I did morning rite in the woods, spooking a few birds and starling the deer. It's a good place. It's bigger than us, but maybe that means we'll grow into it. Maybe we get us some big house attitude. I don't have it yet. It needs more people in it, the way it had more people in it yesterday. And my Gemini keeps wanting to go somewhere -- maybe downtown for a cup of coffee and tea at the Wild Bean. Ten years ago, I would have been ecstatic about this place. I still am now, for five or ten minutes at a time. Then I wonder what we're up to and if the Universe is setting us up.